Victor, how ’bout your Dad?

The movie “Smoke Signals” is comical and entertaining…and it points toward an important issue in all our lives. The issue is Fatherhood.

In the story, Thomas Builds the Fire is driving his friend Victor nuts with the question:
“Victor, how ‘bout your Dad”. The film shows them growing up together, both without a father. Thomas seems to know something that Victor doesn’t know about his Dad. When they both were still Babies, their parents were partying when some fireworks gone astray made the house go up in flames. Victor was thrown out a window to safety, but Thomas’ parents didn’t escape the flames. The weight of responsibility for their death weighed heavy on Victor’s father. In an inebriated state, he had accidentally caused the fire and his inability to deal with the burden led him to leave the family when Victor was still young. One doesn’t easily forget the scene, where Victor run’s after his Dad who is driving off in his pick-up truck, leaving him emotionally wounded and hurt.

After many years, Victor receives the news that his father has passed away and is asked to pick up his belongings. From a neighbor of his father he hears about his struggles, how he loved his son, yet was unable to show him. Thomas finally answers his question to victor “Why do you think your Dad left?” with “He didn’t mean to”.  On their adventurous trip back, Victor begins to make peace with his mixed-up feelings regarding his Dad. After returning home to the Rez, he journeys to Spokane Falls and scatters his father’s ashes into the river, letting out a long cry, trying to let go of the pain inside.

These are the questions the son’s ask themselves about their fathers

• How do we forgive our fathers? –Maybe in a dream?
• Do we forgive them for leaving us too often or for never leaving us?
• Do we forgive them for scaring us with unexpected rage or making us nervous because there never was any rage?
• Do we forgive them for marrying or not marrying our mothers?
• Do we forgive them for divorcing or not divorcing our mothers?
• Shall we forgive them for their excess of warmth or coldness?
• Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaving, for shutting doors, for speaking through doors, for never speaking, for never being silent?
• Do we forgive our fathers in our age or in theirs or in their death, saying it to them or not saying it?
• If we forgive them, what is left?

Is Victor’s experience rare or common? I think to one degree or another we can all identify with him, because all our earthly fathers are imperfect! There is only one perfect father—Our Father, Creator God!

As children of earthly fathers we may have been hurt or disappointed, and because of that we may have difficulty understanding and embracing God our father. As earthly fathers, we need to learn from our heavenly father! He is completely loving and trustworthy. He will never leave us or forsake us (Deut. 31:6). As children, we are guaranteed his acceptance, affirmation, encouragement, commitment, counsel, care, friendship, protection and provision.

We can learn from our heavenly Father’s qualities:

I. His Parental Authority

God’s authority is not harsh and vindictive. He is unspeakably gentle and patient. He disciplines in love not out of anger or disappointment.

II. His Parental Faithfulness

Every promise He makes, He will fulfill. He is consistently loving. His one heart motive remains the same through time and eternity. He never changes. He only desires to show love and forgiveness.

III. His Parental Generosity

The truth is that God is innately generous. Creation shows an extravagance of color, complexity, and design that goes far beyond simple functional value. God is not stingy, possessive, or materialistic. We use people to get things; He uses things to bless people.

IV. His Parental Affection

We are very attractive to God? One of the biggest hindrances in our walk with Him is the sense that we are somehow repulsive to Him because of sin. Imagine the following scene: Your small son comes to the door covered in mud from the back yard. What do you do?  You pick him up and clean him off with the garden hose. You reject the mud, not the boy.

Yes, you have sinned. Yes, you have broken God’s heart. But you are still the center of God’s affections-the apple of His eye. It is He who pursues you with a forgiving heart. We say, “I found the God,” but the truth is, He found us!

V. Parental Attentiveness

There is one attribute of Creator God that not even the best parent can hope to imitate-that is God’s ability to be with us all the time. As parents we just cannot give constant attention 24 hours a day. We are finite beings who can only focus on one thing at a time. Not only is Creator Father with us all the time, He also gives us His whole attention.

Recently, I saw a hilarious clip on one of those “funniest home video” programs. It was a wedding video shot from the back of the church looking up the aisle toward the bride and groom. Because of the camera angle, you could see several members of the congregation. Suddenly, during the vows, a man jumped up from his pew and yelled, “Yes, Yes, Yes!” as he pumped his fist. Then he froze and slid down into his seat—and sheepishly took off his headphones. It turned out he had been listening to a live Basketball game, and his favorite team had just scored.

We’ve all had times when we’re physically in one place but mentally in another. Most of the time, it’s not a real problem—except when it comes to being a husband and father. Here is a sobering example. A father and his family had the privilege of going on a cruise. As the father sat on the deck drinking coffee, he overheard a heartbreaking conversation between a 10-year-old boy and his mother.

“But why, Mom?” the boy asked, oblivious to those around him. “Why did he even bother to come?” The mother struggled to frame her answer. “Well,” she said, “he’s here. And he paid for all of us to go on this trip.”

“He’s not here!” her son shouted. “He’s been on the phone or on his computer the whole time!”

And then came the shot to the heart: “Doesn’t he want to be with me?”

You can’t get much closer, physically, then spending seven days in a tiny cabin on a cruise ship. But what broke this boy’s heart was seeing double—having a dad physically present but emotionally and relationally absent. Does that sound convicting? It is to me. How quickly are children growing up. How many times have I looked past others to catch a meaningless play in some game or show, or hurried through a bedtime story with a child so I could get back to the computer to finish a project.

VI. Parental Acceptance

We live in a performance oriented society. Acceptance is always conditional – if you make the football team, if you bring home a good report card, if you look pretty, if you have money, if you win-you gain acceptance-maybe! The kingdom of this world is a kingdom of rejection. The Kingdom of God is a kingdom of unconditional love.

God’s promises are conditional, we must obey Him to see blessing, but His love is unconditional!

You don’t have to wait to experience the love of Creator God. Come as you are. Just be honest with Him about your sin – He delights to forgive you. Even in the depths of your past rebellion He still loved you. Even God’s judgments are motivated by love.

If you see that you have been hindered in your relationship with God due to some kind of failure of parental love, then take these things to the Lord.

You must find forgiveness in your heart towards anyone who has hurt you. If you don’t, your bitterness will consume you and you will find no peace with God. Realize, too, that you are not alone. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t met a perfect person yet, or a parent who hasn’t made mistakes. Everyone has suffered some kind of hurts in their life. One of the keys for release is found in forgiveness.

Let’s forgive our fathers for their shortcomings. Let’s encourage our fathers and husbands to be the fathers that God wants them to be. Not by nagging, but by loving them and encouraging them.

The important thing is that you go forward and get to know Creator Father God for who He really is – not who you think He is.

• He is the Perfect Parent.
• He always disciplines in love.
• He is faithful, generous, kind, and just
• He loves you and He longs to spend time with you.
• He wants you to receive His love and know that you are a special and unique person to Him.

Some thoughts are adapted from “The Father Hear of God” by John Dawson